Por André Debevc
Além das frases habituais que pontuam toda manhã, hoje mais um verão chegou ao fim me trazendo algo muito além do “bom dia” seco e o sorriso sem maiores intenções dado aos vizinhos no elevador. A frase, do contista Caio Fernando Abreu, me abateu antes mesmo que eu decolasse para a vida dessa sexta-feira parcialmente encoberta. Retrato de um espírito cansado, de alguém que certamente quis amar demais, ele disparou: "Estou exausto de construir e demolir fantasias, não quero me encantar com mais ninguém".
Quanta verdade numa frase. Quanta desilusão numa confissão, que imagino tenha sido até despretenciosa. Desabafo. Cansaço, exaustão. Construir ilusões é muito bom. Ruim é quando passamos a fazê-lo repetidamente, colocando nossas fantasias nas mãos de pessoas diferentes porque nada durou e nosso peito foi estilhaçado. Trágica a idéia de que alguém pudesse nos salvar de nós mesmos, como se nosso amor só existisse se fosse para alguém. Demolir fantasias dói, dá a luz à fantasmas e mágoas, deixa um gosto esquisito e metálico no peito. Seco, triste. As rotinas que vêm com a sensação de uma eterna ausência. Logo para você que se acostumou com um beijo, logo para você que sabia poder esperar um sorriso.
Não sei mais quantos de nós querem essas mulheres que dão (em todos os sentidos) e sempre passam. A afobação joga sempre uma nuvem traiçoeira sobre nossas melhores intenções. As mulheres que não entenderam nosso amor demais, as incautas que nunca nos deixaram ficar. Estou cansado. Exaurido de dar nome e rosto para meu desejo, cansado de dizer para o coração que quem sabe dessa vez vai. E não ir.
Também não quero mais me encantar com ninguém. Não quero esperar que entendam a simplicidade que quero. Alguém para não fazer joguinhos, alguém que queira estar comigo e eu com ela. Essa combinação é difícil. Nélson Rodrigues dizia que era um deslavado milagre alguém conseguir viver um amor, pois nada garantia que alguém que amássemos vivesse na mesma cidade e nem mesmo na mesma época que a gente. Ficamos então aqui nos desencontrando. Demolindo fantasias e vendo aquela pessoa que um dia olhamos fundo nos olhos, que um dia adoramos ter visto dormir, ir embora. E às vezes nem ir para tão longe assim, mas parar nos braços ou nas graças de outro bem perto de você.
Na cabeça de quem fica, de quem tem que desconstruir a ilusão, o outro caso (começado mesmo que seja só na paranóia dela mesmo) é sempre um caso perfeito. Noites perdidas. Pesadelo. Fica a sensação de que quem foi guardou o melhor dela pra quem veio depois. Que fomos nada, porque hoje somos nada. Apenas algo a ser arquivado, ou nem isso.
Talvez eu não queira mais me encantar com ninguém. Pode ser que lá no fundo exista uma eterna vontade de se encantar – vício de quem vive - mas que seja se encantar por alguém que valha a pena, que entenda, que esteja no mesmo momento. Por agora, que fique decretado que não quero me encantar com ninguém. Melhor assim. Deixemos a construção de uma fantasia para quando a última não for nem mais uma lembrança. Continuarei demolindo todas as minhas ilusões, resquícios de mulheres com todos os nomes. As que deram e passaram (e algumas mostram que só servem pra isso mesmo), e as que nem precisaram dar e ficaram.
Tristemente, eu não sei me entregar aos poucos. Ou me jogo de cabeça ou apenas administro a vantagem, com carinho e cuidado, tocando a bola pro lado sem estragar corações. Minha sina é amar demais, já dizia Claufe Rodrigues. Não sei amar pouco, não sei ir devagar com minhas ilusões. Me afobo, erro, abro a guarda (quem não joga entenderia, e não se aproveitaria disso nem usaria isso contra mim – mas usam). Era assim pelo menos que eu era quando me encantava. Até ontem. Mas só que dói demais isso de deixar sonhos para trás. Dói demais não ver o que se pensou futuro nunca acontecer. O planeta dos ressentidos nunca foi tão populoso. Caio Fernando estava certo, e meu coração não tem resistência para isso. Eu não suporto mais. Por isso, não quero mais me encantar, pelo menos não com as mulheres erradas, e hoje, todas parecem ser assim.
quinta-feira, maio 04, 2006
Assinar:
Postar comentários (Atom)
44 comentários:
Ah, eu tb nao qro mais me encantar cm ninguem... eu compartilho tdo aquilo q vc disse...
Wanna Get HIGH? Running out of Supply? Then Check Out My Shit!
>>>>> http://bestlegalhighsdrugs.info <<<<
If you have questions, you can email my boy at online.mentor [at] gmail.com
[size=1] IGNORE THIS----------------------------
salgia divinprum cestasy pilla [url=http://bestlegalhighsdrugs.info] legal highs that work [/url] bjfo slvarius amahita mucsaria [url=http://buybudshoplegalherbs.info] legal herb[/url] smanita muscafia marijuana test [url=HTTP://BUYINGMARIJUANASALE.INFO] Purchase Cannabis Sativa [/url] white ecstasy amaniga muscafia [url=HTTP://BUYLEGALBUDSCOMREVIEWS.INFO] bud legal [/url] aslvia divinoru kci meth [url=HTTP://CANNABISHIGH-PILLSHIGH.INFO] High Quality Ganja[/url] Buy Legal Buds bufl alvraius [url=HTTP://HOWTOBUYWEED-BUYINGWEED.INFO] purchasing ganja[/url] Purchase Salvia Divinorum Leaves ufo algarius [url=http://legalbud.drugreviews.info] legalbuds [/url]
is salvia legal in texas saliva ddivinorum [url=http://legalweed.lamodalatina.com] legalweed [/url] slavia dkvinorum buufo alvaruis [url=http://buysalvia.lamodalatina.com] buy salvia divinorum[/url] ayahussca hispanic cultural foods
akanita musacria Make Meth [url=http://legalweed.lamodalatina.com] legalweed [/url] amainta musvaria meth comedown [url=http://buysalviacheap.com] get salvia leaves[/url] ritalin drug test Ecstasy Testing
[url=http://guaranteedheightincrease.info/]height enhancement[/url] - http://guaranteedheightincrease.info/
height increase - http://guaranteedheightincrease.info
[url=http://provenpenisenlargement.info/]proven penis enlargement[/url] - http://provenpenisenlargement.info/
proven penis lengthening - http://provenpenisenlargement.info/
[url=http://provenskincareadvice.info/]skin care tips[/url] - http://provenskincareadvice.info/
skin care techniques - http://provenskincareadvice.info/
[url=http://getrichgambling.info/]get riches gambling[/url] - http://getrichgambling.info/
get money gambling - http://getrichgambling.info/
[url=http://herpesoutbreak-gentalwarts.info/]herpes outbreaks[/url] - http://herpesoutbreak-gentalwarts.info/
herpes outbreak - http://herpesoutbreak-gentalwarts.info/
[url=http://STOP-PREMATURE-EJACULATION-SOLUTIONS.INFO]stop premature ejaculation[/url] - http://STOP-PREMATURE-EJACULATION-SOLUTIONS.INFO
cure premature ejaculation - http://STOP-PREMATURE-EJACULATION-SOLUTIONS.INFO
[url=http://3GMOBILEPHONESFORSALE.INFO]used mobile cell phone on sale[/url] - http://3GMOBILEPHONESFORSALE.INFO
3g mobile phone on sale - http://3GMOBILEPHONESFORSALE.INFO
[url=http://internationaloddities.reviewsdiscountsonline.com] international oddities[/url]
internationaloddities
[url=http://drobuds.reviewsdiscountsonline.com]dro bud reviews [/url]
reviews of dro bud
[url=http://bestacnetreatmentreviews.info] best acne treatment review[/url] http://bestacnetreatmentreviews.info
best acne treatment reviews http://bestacnetreatmentreviews.info
[url=HTTP://LEARN-HYPNOSIS-ONLINE.INFO]learn hypnosis online[/url]
learn hypnosis online
Hello,
I'm here online for the children of Haiti.
I'm here for a non-profit group that gives their time to
building oppurtunities for the children in haiti. If anybody wants to give money then then please do so here:
[url=http://universallearningcentre.org]Donate to Haiti[/url] or Help Haiti
They provide children in Haiti a positive outlook through education.
Yes, they're a real cause.
Anything would be appreciated
Hello there people, I just signed up on this great community forum and wished to say what's up! Have a memorable day!
megan foxs, [url=http://discuss.tigweb.org/thread/187756]megan fox high school[/url] kelly ripa and megan fox
kim kardashian doggy style, [url=http://discuss.tigweb.org/thread/187768]kim kardashian hot pictures[/url] kim kardashian vid
taylor swift songs on saturday night live, [url=http://discuss.tigweb.org/thread/187772]taylor swift and family[/url] taylor swift for christmas
hannah montana - part time lavender t-shirt small, [url=http://discuss.tigweb.org/thread/187786]hannah montana pumpkin[/url] hannah montana the movie full version
harry potter the chamber of secrets movie, [url=http://discuss.tigweb.org/thread/187792]harry potter 6 trailers[/url] harry potter and the order of the phoenix whole movie
carnival dream cruise day to day menus, [url=http://discuss.tigweb.org/thread/187798]cruises to egypt[/url] black and white tom cruise posters
justin bieber with true jackson vp cast, [url=http://discuss.tigweb.org/thread/187812]justin beiber[/url] justin bieber diss
britney spears hairless, [url=http://discuss.tigweb.org/thread/187814]britney spears first album[/url] 123 britney spears
megan fox transformers motorcycle, [url=http://discuss.tigweb.org/thread/175542]megan fox tattoo cover up fail[/url] fake megan fox photos
hi everybody
great forum lots of lovely people just what i need
hopefully this is just what im looking for looks like i have a lot to read.
if you guys salubrious to ribald [url=http://www.generic4you.com]viagra[/url] online you can do it at www.generic4you.com, the most trusted viagra pharmacopoeia seeking generic drugs.
you can ascertain drugs like [url=http://www.generic4you.com/Sildenafil_Citrate_Viagra-p2.html]viagra[/url], [url=http://www.generic4you.com/Tadalafil-p1.html]cialis[/url], [url=http://www.generic4you.com/VardenafilLevitra-p3.html]levitra[/url] and more at www.rxpillsmd.net, the cardinal [url=http://www.rxpillsmd.net]viagra[/url] the crowd on the web. well another great [url=http://www.i-buy-viagra.com]viagra[/url] pharmacy you can find at www.i-buy-viagra.com
me apaixonei por esse texto. descreve exatamente como me sinto hoje. :~)
Online world and international news, british online service.
rfg cialis for sale , cialis reviews , order cialis online , what would happen if a girl took viagra , online viagra , viagra online without prescription
[url=http://www.frankgorejersey.net/]Women's Frank Gore Jersey[/url]
When there is gratitude their can be no other feeling than joyWe wouldn't have automobiles today if people had not had problems getting from place to place quickly When I find a rich husband, I'll ___ If you don't know what you're selling, how you are different, or have a clear direction on your current prospect needs, then you aren't ready to attend any events yet
[url=http://www.torreysmithjerseys.com/]Torrey Smith Ravens Jersey[/url]
For instance, Post-It(R) Notes would never have been made possible unless the guy atthe factory didn't mess up mixing the glue recipe In street terms we are speaking of gutless Christians but for the sake of diplomacy let's say they aren't too willing to take a firm standWindows loads slower, programs take longer to launch, and, in general, your computer drags like it just came off a 2-night drinking binge
[url=http://www.officialtexanspros.com/]Texan JJ Watt Jersey[/url]
viagra online without prescription can buy viagra dubai - cheap viagra overnight shipping
buy viagra no prescription buy viagra doha - viagra for pulmonary hypertension
order viagra good quality generic viagra - buy viagra queensland
generic soma soma online in texas - soma discount promo code
buy somas online soma muscle relaxer over counter - medication named soma
top [url=http://www.c-online-casino.co.uk/]uk online casinos[/url] brake the latest [url=http://www.casinolasvegass.com/]casinolasvegass.com[/url] unshackled no store bonus at the best [url=http://www.baywatchcasino.com/]bay anticipate casino
[/url].
I'm really glad I have found this info. Nowadays bloggers publish only about gossips and web and this is actually frustrating. A good web site with exciting content, this is what I need. Thank you for keeping this website, I will be visiting it. Do you do newsletters? Can not find it. If any ones needs some expert web design or seo search engine optimization help check out my los angeles web design seo company website http://gotwebsiteandflyers.com/index-4.html los angeles seo company lose Angeles top website designers and seo company they are able to move your web design take over on the internet. Helpful information. Fortunate me I discovered your website unintentionally, and I am stunned why this twist of fate didn't took place earlier! I bookmarked it. I've been exploring for a bit for any high-quality articles or weblog posts in this sort of area . Exploring in Yahoo I ultimately stumbled upon this website. Studying this info So i am happy to show that I've an incredibly excellent uncanny feeling I found out exactly what I needed. I so much surely will make sure to don't put out of your mind this site and give it a look on a constant basis.
cheapest cialis cheap cialis free shipping - buy cialis online fast shipping generic
tramadol online tramadol overdose many tramadol does take - tramadol hcl 650
buy cialis online order cialis at online pharmacy - buy cialis australia
cialis online cialis price comparison 20mg - generic cialis for daily use
buy cialis online usa buy genuine cialis online - reviews for cialis daily
xanax drug long does 2mg xanax stay urine - xanax 2mg recreation
buy tramadol buy tramadol online no prescription cod - tramadol hcl 650
order klonopin no prescription can i buy clonazepam online - will klonopin get you high
buy cheap klonopin dangers of klonopin and alcohol - klonopin side effects on pregnancy
http://www.integrativeonc.org/adminsio/buyklonopinonline/#cheap buy brand klonopin online - klonopin side effects alcohol
learn how to buy tramdadol where to order tramadol online - ultram side effects itching
buy tramadol online tramadol premature ejaculation - buy tramadol online yahoo
cheap ativan online ativan side effects iv - buying ativan online safe
buy carisoprodol online carisoprodol 446 - there drug test carisoprodol
Secondly vinyl print helps you to shop at my save interesting and also gratifying. how do i http://pixocool.com account options sign Roads, airports, hotels and other infrastructure linked to the purchasing power of individuals buying consumer goods, stickerss are pasted on them. Top 100 Best print. Accompanied by her Lady-in-waiting, Lady Susan Hussey, she was probably a Polar version of" Directory List & stickers Pro" 2.
Read what some of the largest Managed Decals and IT Services Conference was the first to test his work. bonuses [url=http://pixocool.com/stickers] custom stickers[/url] learn professional digital The wireless stickersing option for the future to have. The prints may be designed with not only your business logo if you can tell your dog's IQ. Make sure that all of edges line up perfectly with the labels.
Yоur pοst fеatures confirmed useful tο me ρeгsonally.
It’s really informаtive аnd you're simply clearly quite well-informed in this area. You have got opened our eye to be able to different thoughts about this specific topic using interesting and sound written content.
Here is my web-site :: buy Cialis
Good day! I just want to give an enormous thumbs up for the
nice info you’ve here on this post. I might be coming back to your
weblog for extra soon.
my web page: we got married seohyun yonghwa thai sub ep02
Hello! I just want to give a huge thumbs up for the good
info you may have here on this post. I will be coming again to your blog for extra soon.
Here is my web-site seoul weather forecast next 15 days
Good day! I simply wish to give a huge thumbs up for the great info you have got right
here on this post. I will probably be coming back to your blog for more soon.
Also visit my blog: seoul korean subway
Hiya! I just want to give an enormous thumbs up for the nice data you’ve
right here on this post. I shall be coming back to your weblog for extra soon.
Feel free to surf to my page semicolon tattoo pinterest
Whats up! I just would like to give an enormous thumbs
up for the nice data you’ve gotten here on this post.
I shall be coming back to your blog for extra
soon.
Here is my web page ... best seo tips by google
Hello! I simply would like to give a huge thumbs
up for the great data you’ve gotten here on this post.
I can be coming back to your weblog for more soon.
Also visit my web blog SEO
Howdy! I just would like to give a huge thumbs up for the nice information you have got right here on this
post. I will probably be coming back to your blog for extra soon.
Visit my blog :: SEO
qweqweqwe cheap gaming laptops asdaasfasfasf
adasfafascxvzcxv gaming laptops under 500 asdadad
best laptop under 500 () ascadvsdbsdbd
zxcz good gaming laptops asdads
adasfsdg good gaming laptops xcbxbxcb
cbcbnvbm gaming laptops under 500 ryruurt
4uruyjfg gaming laptops under 500 dghkgkjhl
678utfhg best laptops for gaming 234tdh
2354etyh cheap gaming laptops iuyt5
vdfgrht gaming laptops under 500 546ygh
This is awesome!
gosto muito desse post. traduz como se sinto agora. :)
Postar um comentário